There is an issue coming up over and over for me that I did not realize I would face. Its obvious now that I look at it, but I did not even really consider it much when I quit my job and began ‘working’ from home.
The act of balancing my work time versus my ‘home’ time is far more difficult to do then expected. Add in the fact I am not earning any income at the moment, and I am in a constant battle with myself.
For example, I look around the house, and I think “man, I should be doing more to keep this or that clean, I could be deep cleaning that, keeping up with this”, etc. But then I remind myself that my focus right now is to get my websites going to a level I want, to try and earn an income at X, and that I do not have extra time for deep cleaning the grout or washing all the windows outside today. Add in the third element, the fact I am NOT making any income, and I start to feel guilty about not doing those extra things around the house or for my husband in general. GRRR. Its driving me batty.
I already resolved a few weeks ago that I think my strongest motivation to earn an income right now is so that I can hire a maid. Yes, I want a maid. I pick up after myself, but deep scrubbing and keeping up with bathrooms, that task I would GLADLY hand over to someone else.
Maybe I should activate a ‘donate’ button on all my websites specifically labeled HELP ME PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO SCRUB MY SHOWER…..PRETTY PLEASE. It might work…..maybe. Is it wrong to have goals and aspirations of hiring a maid?
All the same, I need to find a balance. Maybe some more firm deadlines would help. I have an issue with feeling productive and independent, and as much as I want to follow my purpose and passion first, making an income continues to plague me. Technically, we are totally fine financially. A few cut backs and some conservative behaviors have left us comfortable in that category, but its still eating me up. I have contemplated even getting an hourly part time job locally at say the natural grocery store to bring in something so I can feel better.
I am wondering if I need to be addressing a deeper issue here before I can progress forward. Control issues? Possibly. Probably.
Well, after this month I might set up some firm deadlines. In the meantime, I will have to give this some additional thought……or find someone who will trade terrible grammar for some window washing.
